it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
