so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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