his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
