I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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