My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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