im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
