Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
