and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
