I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
