Cold hands, warm shart.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
