so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
