i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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