best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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