Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
