i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
