I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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