I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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