Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
