well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
