I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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