he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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