You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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