I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
