Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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