Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
