At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
