I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
