WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
