It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
