Pants 0. Shit 1.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
