does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
