Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
please come you make the beer taste better
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
