the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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