i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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