In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
