i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
