so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
