Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
