Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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