can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Drunk is not a location!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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