I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
