So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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