It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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