I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
