is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
