Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
