please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
