dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
