Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
