last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
