There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
