I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
did i just pee glitter
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