Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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