My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
