He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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