I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
